Missing Joni

What it's like to know you'll probably never get to see Joni Mitchell play live

I’ve been really enjoying listening to the podcast The Road to Joni with Carmel Holt lately. In it, Holt interviews numerous musicians on the many ways in which they’ve been impacted by the life and music of the one and only Joni Mitchell.

Like these musicians and so many others, Joni Mitchell has had a massive influence on me. I first discovered her music in my late teens/early twenties. Remember the scene in Love Actually when her haunting 2000 version of Both Sides Now plays as Emma Thompson’s character weeps with the realisation of her husband’s affair? On first viewing, I had no idea that it was Joni Mitchell who was singing. It wasn’t until years later at university, when a friend of mine played me the original version from 1969’s Clouds that I put two and two together and started delving into her back catalogue.

I’ve always loved music. I grew up in a musical family, so music was always a part of my childhood. My mum taught people to sing from our living room. My dad would play albums by David Bowie and Pink Floyd, as well as classical music. In the car, we’d sing along to the radio, or I’d make up songs for us to sing.

At four or five, I started to learn piano. Then came the recorder, and finally, the violin, my dad’s instrument, which I diligently played for about seven or so years without ever really loving it. I joined orchestras and choirs, and then, as a teenager, my first band. While I learnt some basic guitar chords then, it was Joni Mitchell that made me fall in love with playing the guitar. On discovering her music, I started messing around with different tunings, spending hours practising finger-picking patterns from a Joni songbook I was given as a Christmas present. Finally, I’d found my instrument.

my beloved Joni Mitchell songbook

But it was her songwriting, above all, that changed my life. Until Joni Mitchell, I had never come across anyone singing about the complexities of life, love, relationships and being an artist and a woman in a way that spoke to me so directly. In Hejira, written after her breakup with John Guerin, she talks about the sense of freedom she feels to finally be alone. And yet, there is such a powerful sense of loneliness that runs throughout the song.

“I'm porous with travel fever
But you know I'm so glad to be on my own
Still somehow the slightest touch of a stranger
Can set up trembling in my bones”

- Joni Mitchell, Hejira

I’d never come across lyrics dealing with all these complicated and contrasting emotions in such a beautiful but clear way before. The pull between wanting to love and be loved, and also wanting to be an artist and adventurer, out there on your own. I understood that conflict. I still do. I’d never heard anybody talk, or rather sing about it in that way. ‘Talk’ could be the right word in fact - Joni has always had a way of writing and singing that makes it seem as though she is just talking, sharing her thoughts as they come into her head. Her writing is both poetic and completely natural.

When news broke that Joni Mitchell had suffered from a brain aneurysm in 2015, many thought she would never perform live again, which is why her surprise appearance at the Newport Folk Festival in 2022 was so special for so many. This is also why fans were so excited when it was announced she would be performing at the Hollywood Bowl in October. People like Dolly Alderton and Amy Key have spoken about making pilgrimages to Los Angeles to be there for that performance.

As I listened to Carmel Holt discussing the concert in The Road to Joni, how special and emotional it was to be there, I realised I had tears in my eyes. The same thing happened when I read

Amy Key

’s piece about finally getting to see Joni perform live. Just like them, I’m a huge Joni Mitchell fan, and I related to their descriptions of what it was like to be there in the room with Joni and so many others who love her. But unlike them, I’m pretty certain I will never get to be at one of those concerts. I don’t live in the US, and I don’t have the money to spend on tickets, let alone the airfare. Joni is 81 years old as of 7th November. Who knows how many more of these concerts are going to happen?

I’m so happy Joni Mitchell is getting all the acclaim and recognition she deserves. She is, without doubt, one of the greatest singer-songwriters and musicians of all time. She’s an inspiration, not just because of how talented she is and how beautiful her music is, but because of how self-assured and true to herself she remained in the male-dominated music industry of the late sixties onwards. She not only wrote and played her own music, but she produced most of her albums, too, taking her music in directions no one else could predict. She created the artwork for many of these albums. And she literally invented her own way of playing guitar, which left many of her male contemporaries scratching their heads.

As I said, I’m so happy she is getting the recognition she deserves. I just wish I was lucky enough to witness it live. Luckily, for me and for all of us, we have her albums.