Lessons from my teachers - Part 3!
Love, family, and flawed humans.
I love sharing the things I love. Yesterday I was chatting with a friend (another shout-out Harriet) who told me that she noted down all the books I recommend on here which makes me so happy. This week has been especially rich in terms of the art I’ve been consuming. I didn’t intend for there to be a theme but I’ve realised that it has all centred around themes of love, family, and flawed relationships. I wanted to delve a bit deeper, so am sharing one book, one film, one TV show and one YouTube video that particularly touched my heart this week.
Just a little sidetone - I’m aware there are a lot of people doing things like this here on Substack, particularly when it comes to book reviews (including the person who originally recommended the book I am going to talk about). While I love reading and have been making the effort this year to read more (something I hope to go into more in a future post) I am by no means an expert in literature. There are a lot of people who read a lot more than me and are a lot more knowledgeable about books in general, but I hope you enjoy my thoughts anyway.
I cried reading/watching every single one of these. Each is full of heart, warmth, beauty and wisdom. Buckets full of wisdom. It never ceases to amaze and delight me how much great art can lift your mood, reminding you of how much beauty there is in the world.
Book
Everything/Nothing/Someone by Alice Carrière
This was maybe (probably) my favourite book I’ve read this year, and I’ve loved a few so that’s saying a lot. It’s a memoir about growing up in a mansion in New York with an artist mother and actor father, both of whom had neglectful/abusive childhoods and therefore don’t seem to know how to parent their own child. It is totally absorbing, not just in the subject matter but in the writing, which is brutally honest but also calm and clear in a way that I loved. I was hooked on every sentence.
As Carrière moves from detailing her childhood to her adolescence and beyond, the subject matter goes from creepy to infuriating and enraging. It is shocking to read about her mental health struggles and how she was put on drug after drug which only seemed to exacerbate her symptoms further. But what’s beautiful is how as an adult, Carrière manages to repair her relationships with her parents.
I first came across this book when it was recommended by Pandora Sykes on her Substack as the memoir to read this year (a great place to go for book recommendations).
“If you read one memoir this year, make it this one.”
I couldn’t agree more.
Film
I’ve mentioned before that I’ve been enjoying listening to Continental Garbage, the mini-but-not-that-mini-series from Sentimental Garbage creator and author Caroline O’Donohue and friend Jen Cownie. This week’s episode was on the 1989 film Shirley Valentine.
I first watched this with my mum years ago and I think I was too young for it because I remember finding it boring. It’s not boring! Far from it. I loved watching it again and related to the film and the character of Shirley Valentine a lot more this time around.
A quick plot summary. Shirley is a 40-something housewife, married to a man she was once in love with, but who now seems to only care about his dinner being served at exactly 6 o’clock each night. She’s lonely and bored and longs for travel and adventure. When her friend Jane invites her to come to Greece with her for two weeks, she initially tells herself she can’t go, but eventually accepts the invitation. When Jane abandons her for a man she meets on the plane, Shirley is left to holiday alone, which she quickly begins to enjoy, despite the disapproval of seemingly every other English tourist she comes across.
Caroline and Jen’s discussion of the film is brilliant and I’d recommend giving it a listen (after watching the film of course). One thing they touch on is Shirley’s realisation that she has had a part in allowing her life up until this point to be so small. While some people might lay blame elsewhere, for example, their (crappy) marriage, Shirley realises that she is responsible for her own life.
“Why do we get all this life if we don’t ever use it?” - Shirley Valentine
The reason she is such an inspiring character is she does something about it. She is afraid, particularly for the first part of the film. Although it’s hard to believe now, in those days in that part of England, it wasn’t common for middle-aged women like Shirley to travel alone. Nonetheless, and despite negativity and disapproval from others, Shirley perseveres and ends up finding some of the freedom and adventure she’s always longed for.
The film is deep and meaningful but also witty and intelligent. There are so many great lines, including this from tavern owner Costas -
“Boat is boat. Fuck is fuck.”
Pauline Collins as Shirley is perfect. Other reasons to watch: Joanna Lumley, Alison Steadman, and real middle-aged boobs in all their glory.
I’m so thankful that things have changed (and are changing still) since this film came out in terms of what is expected of women in middle age and marriage. It’s heartbreaking to think that this was how it used to be, that all that was expected of so many women was that they become mothers and caregivers. Although things are different now, I still related to Shirley’s struggles with her identity and her disappointment in not achieving more from her life and found her independence, bravery and humour so inspiring.
TV show
Schitt’s Creek
My boyfriend and I have been re-watching the brilliant TV show Schitt’s Creek for the last I don’t know how many weeks/months. Anyway, this week, we finished it. We both fell in love all over again with this wacky family and I cried so much at the end that my face hurt.
Schitt’s Creek is a hilarious comedy about a wealthy family that loses all their money and has to move into a motel once bought as a joke. While at first, they are all desperate to get away from the town and its colourful inhabitants, slowly they form bonds and begin to change as people.
If you haven’t watched this show - what are you playing at? Seriously. I have only good things to say about it. The casting, the writing, the inclusivity without it being made a big deal of, the warmth and love without it being cheesy, the wit, Catherine O'Hara as Moira and that accent…. I could go on forever. I will probably never again be able to say the name David without putting a weird emphasis on it.
I don’t know when exactly it happens, but as you watch this show, you go from liking these characters despite their awfulness, to falling in love with them. That’s what comes from brilliant writing and acting, I guess. My boyfriend and I have a theory that everyone is a bit of at least one or two of the characters in the show. I’m a bit David/a bit Stevie, and he’s a LOT Patrick (with a bit of Ted thrown in). Don’t know what I’m talking about? We created an official Schitt’s Creek personality test. Forget the enneagram. Forget Myers-Briggs. This is the one. Prepare to recognise yourself.
The Official Schitt's Creek Personality Test
David Rose
Insecure
Sarcastic
Prickly on the outside, soft on the inside
Alexis Rose
Confident
Self-absorbed
Well-meaning
Moira Rose
Dramatic
Eccentric
Occasional tenderness
Johnny Rose
Dependable
Caring
Frequently baffled
Roland Schitt
Clueless
Lazy
Takes nothing seriously
Joceyln Schitt
Cheerful
Overwhelmed
Practical
Patrick Brewer
Romantic
Reserved
Pragmatic
Stevie Budd
Introverted
Intelligent
Low self-confidence
Tedd Mullens
Affable
Naive
Kind
Twyla Sands
Selfless
Gullible
Pure-hearted
Which one(s) are you?
We also went straight into watching the beautiful documentary about filming the final series of the show - Best Wishes, Warmest Regards: A Schitt’s Creek Farewell - after finishing the series. Cue more tears.
Now go watch Schitt’s Creek.
YouTube video
A Talk with My Mother, Jonna Jinton
I loved this beautiful interview by Jonna Jinton with her mother Anita so much that I watched it twice. If you don’t know who Jonna Jinton is, she’s a Swedish videographer, photographer, jewellery designer, painter, musician etc… with a very popular YouTube channel (she currently has over 5 million subscribers). She posts videos about her life in rural northern Sweden as well as her artistic projects, renovations, road trips and more.
As a person, Jonna is warm and wise, and from this interview, it quickly becomes clear that she inherited so much of her character from her mother. I just fell in love with Anita and with Jonna even more. Every now and then you come across people that you think you would probably get along with if you met, and I can imagine having a coffee and a great conversation about life and creativity with these two women.
At the start of the video, Jonna tells us that her mum doesn’t think she’ll have anything interesting to share about herself, and she also worries her English isn’t good enough (it’s very good). But as the video progresses and the questions (which have all been sent in from Jonna’s followers) get deeper, Anita begins to relax and the conversation flows more and more. Topics discussed range from creativity and work, Jonna’s childhood and adolescence, paranormal experiences, regrets and advice on how to raise children.
When Anita is asked if she worries about living rurally in case of a medical emergency and not being close to a hospital, she replies with a firm “no”. When Jonna asks why she isn’t scared about that, she replies “If you die, you die”. She describes life as a “game”. “Don’t take life so seriously”, she says. I’m going to try and remember that one.
Don’t take life so seriously.
I hope you enjoyed this exploration of what I’ve been enjoying this week! If you’d like more of this kind of thing, I have two previous Lessons from my teachers newsletters which you can find here and here. And please subscribe to my Substack!