I have a plan and I want you to join me

My Year of Creativity

I recently went for my very first professional Tarot reading. It was incredible. Spot on. The first card my reader drew was an image of a rock stuck between two mountains. “You’re stuck”, she said. Yup.

I’ve been stuck, not knowing what to do, for a while now. It came on slowly, starting maybe a year ago, maybe longer.

The plan was to try to be a singer-songwriter. I’ve been singing and making up little songs my whole life. Singing is as natural to me as talking, something I do sometimes without realising. I started late trying to do it professionally, but worked away at my craft, spending hours and hours practising guitar, writing songs in my bedroom, and playing endless small, low-paid or even unpaid gigs happily, for years. I released music that was listened to by friends and family, got a few nice reviews and adds to playlists, and then forgotten about. And despite a lack of any real ‘success’, something kept driving me forward. Self-belief, I guess.

Then something changed sometime last year. I lost interest in releasing music. I still have a handful of unreleased singles and an EP that was never uploaded to Spotify. I just can’t bring myself to share any more music.

I stopped wanting to play those small, low-paid gigs. I had no desire to ask friends and family to come to yet another gig. It started to feel a bit pointless.

The worst bit was the growing envy I felt towards other musicians who were doing better than me. I started muting people on Instagram because their good news just made me feel worse. Then I stopped going on Instagram altogether.

It felt like heartbreak. We broke up, music and me. And it hurt.

This year has been spent playing other people’s music - at gigs and weddings or in music therapy sessions. Singing backing vocals on my friends’ songs rather than lead vocals on my own. And that’s fine, but it was never what I set out to do and to be honest, it’s all made me feel a bit numb.

This year has also been spent reading. This time last year, I challenged myself to read a book a week, and with some gaps, have continued this practice, reading over forty books since then.

And I’ve been writing. I started my Substack at the end of February with no clear plan or ambition, but rather a simple urge to write. And after taking a bit of a break in August, I have come up with a more of a plan for this Substack, and myself in general.

Most people my age (early-mid thirties) are spending their days either working hard to progress in their line of work or maybe beginning to settle down and raise a family. I, on the other hand, am at a place where I’m trying to work out what I really want to do with my life.

But instead of letting myself feel pressured into following a more ‘normal’ route of what I ‘should’ be doing with my life, I’ve decided to do something different. I’m going to spend the next year (Sept 2024 - end of August 2025) using weekly artist dates to deep dive into all things creativity, spirituality and art. A Year of Creativity.

Hang on, did you say ‘artist dates’?

I did. An artist date is a term coined by the writer Julia Cameron, famous for her book The Artists’ Way. It is a chunk of time each week where you take yourself (your artist self) out on a date. Solo. Nobody else can come along. No distractions, it’s just you and your artist self. The idea being that these solo explorations allow you to fully absorb the world around you, building up your well of ideas, which you can later draw from in creative practice.

The plan is to learn more about different kinds of artistic and spiritual practices, spend time around beautiful things, art and nature, and explore what creativity and art are and why we do it. I’ll revisit artistic practices I used to do as a child - things I used to enjoy but stopped doing when I started to doubt how good I was at them - as well as exploring new things I’ve never done before.

Why begin in September?

Mainly it’s a timing thing. I had this idea this month and I’m eager to get going. Plus, I’ve already started going on artist dates. But I like the idea of starting a project in September. I’ve remained attached to that back-to-school feeling that September brings. There’s something about autumn that feels exciting and creative for me.

Won’t all these artist dates be expensive?

I’ve been thinking about that. As a musician, I’ve never had a lot of money and am used to doing things on a limited budget. However, I also had the idea of putting some of my writing here behind a paywall, so that those who can afford to and enjoy my writing/want to support me can pay a small amount each month allowing them access to extra writing/ideas etc. I haven’t worked this out fully yet, so for the time being everything here will remain free for all to read.

So what’s the goal at the end of all this?

I’m not sure, to be honest. Rather than trying to find all the answers now, I’m giving myself a year. A year to explore. A year to try anything, everything, because it interests me. Because it’s fun. Because it’s scary. It doesn’t matter.

And I’m going to use this space here to write about it. Write about everything I discover along the way. Places I visit, artists I like, books I read. Perhaps share the art I am inspired to make, if any.

Some of us have always known what we wanted to do with our lives. Some of us haven’t. And some of us have always known, but fear stopped us from trying.

I don’t want to spend any more time being afraid. I don’t know what will come of this, but for a year, I’m allowing myself not to worry about that.

A selection of photos from artist dates this month

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I’m away next week so I will see you back here on 6th September!